Today

Today is just another day. A day when I decided to start writing.

The boys were off to sailing camp this morning, as they have been all week. Sheltered dears, they're getting a taste of what strong wind and hard knocks will give you. Art and I want to protect them from the unpleasant experiences of our own youths, but it's clear that they need a dose of adversity and the guidance on how to bear it with grace rather than despair or madness. If it were so simple.

Last week I took Charlie, our beloved canine companion, to the veterinarian. I hadn't taken him since we got him, which was three years ago. As I neglect myself, so I've neglected him. We're two homebodies who really need to get out, both for our bodies and our spirits. Damn the fear, let's go.

So this morning we walked the shaded road by old Lucas Valley. It was close to noon and so it was more as less deserted, which, of course, is ideal. Charlie is such a good companion: so appreciative, so earnest. It's a pleasure to be with someone so uncomplicated, someone enjoying the moment fully, without complaint. We heard the creek rush below, watched the pipsqueak sparrows come and go, were assaulted by a painted lady butterfly who I guess was flying round us for a whiff. I wonder if butterflies can smell us. I wonder if that butterfly had just drunk some nectar, unravelling its curly tongue into some buttercup, luxuriating, then refurling that probiscis with a flourish. PROBOSCIS!!!

I love to be alone with my thoughts.

I worry about my health. It's time (how many times have I said this?) to balance myself out. I tried the social interaction thing with that (arg) mothers' book club and enough is enough. Two years of trying books I would not have otherwise read. An education of sorts, but alas, one that has left me as cynical as I was to start with, if not moreso. Otherwise I try to stay sequestered, focusing on my various domestically-based pursuits and duties. Mainly sedentary, but this can change. It involves forcing myself. If only I felt more comfortable. If only the cozy womb of my office weren't so safe and absorbing. And yet..

The house is in disrepair. The land around the house is utterly neglected, wild, dry and dying with the rest of us giving the excuse that it is a "habitat" or "meadow". I'm really sick of it but am at a loss as to what to do. If I could get over my fear of the sun, of explosure. Explosure. Haha.

Well, here I am.