Bamboozled

Granted, I was very excited about all the greenery when we first moved here, yea these 13 years ago. Many, many books on West Coast horticulture, composting and xeriscaping were read and the data duly assimilated. Sadly, the upshot resulted in my knowing the Latin names for all the plants in my gardens, and little inclination (or experience) to care for them. It makes me sad and yes, ashamed.

It's a little like my problem with the refrigerator and pantry and other neglected spaces - I have some sort of block to fixing the problem. Something so simple as throwing out some rotting tomato sauce becomes a pathological source of dread until it becomes so bad that someone else has to throw it out, to my shame and helplessness. It's very, very stupid and I don't understand it. I'd like to chalk it up to laziness, but I'm really not that lazy. I can study for many hours, organize and execute many projects, work like crazy when needed. But in the domestic sphere, I have a block. What can I do to overcome it? The house and grounds are deteriorating.

Here is a picture of Nandina, a type of ornamental bamboo that was planted in my backyard close to some citrus trees. It is like a weed to me. It chokes out the citrus and was planted there irresponsibly, in my opinion. I want to yank it out. I decapitated a very sick rhododenron in the front yard because it was depressing me with its stricken, shrivelled leaves and thwarted, dried-out buds. I tried to add iron and keep it watered earlier in the summer but it only withered. Art is upset. If he is so upset he should pay for a gardener. I think I will end up doing that once I start getting paid for my computer job. Please, Good, let me get my act together with the house and grounds. This poor nandina deserves to be transplanted rather than killed off. It really could be lovely and ornamental if only in the right place.